St. Patrick's celebrations

[jeffster]

Teenagers being teenagers. What else is new?
Also, this is what happens when 18 year olds finally get to break free of their helicopter parents.

Parents need to let their 16 year olds walk home from working at McDonalds at 4 in the morning, this would solve a lot of issues.

[Rainrider22]

Teenagers being teenagers. What else is new?
Also, this is what happens when 18 year olds finally get to break free of their helicopter parents.

Parents need to let their 16 year olds walk home from working at McDonalds at 4 in the morning, this would solve a lot of issues.

That would imply a teenager is working a late shift !!!!  But I agree with you

[jeffster]

Parents need to let their 16 year olds walk home from working at McDonalds at 4 in the morning, this would solve a lot of issues.

That would imply a teenager is working a late shift !!!!  But I agree with you

Well, it was actually meant in the context of a summer job when the kids have no school. All the 16 year olds sleep in until 4 in the afternoon anyway, so might as well be useful at night and not bug their parents for cash every turn.

You can tell I have a 16 year old walked home at 4 in the morning from his summer job....and one that slept in (actually, he slept in until about 10 pm....but that happens when you stay up all night and not go to bed until 2 or 3 pm). He got lucky in the sense that he was a key holder for the building and had some flexibility as to when to go in.

[Rainrider22]

That would imply a teenager is working a late shift !!!!  But I agree with you

Well, it was actually meant in the context of a summer job when the kids have no school. All the 16 year olds sleep in until 4 in the afternoon anyway, so might as well be useful at night and not bug their parents for cash every turn.

You can tell I have a 16 year old walked home at 4 in the morning from his summer job....and one that slept in (actually, he slept in until about 10 pm....but that happens when you stay up all night and not go to bed until 2 or 3 pm). He got lucky in the sense that he was a key holder for the building and had some flexibility as to when to go in.

Congrats, it sounds like your raising your kids well !!  I mean that sincerely.  Mine are 10 and 8, I have advised them for a long time already that there will be no free rides !!!

[Coke6pk]

That would imply a teenager is working a late shift !!!!  But I agree with you

Well, it was actually meant in the context of a summer job when the kids have no school. All the 16 year olds sleep in until 4 in the afternoon anyway, so might as well be useful at night and not bug their parents for cash every turn.

You can tell I have a 16 year old walked home at 4 in the morning from his summer job....and one that slept in (actually, he slept in until about 10 pm....but that happens when you stay up all night and not go to bed until 2 or 3 pm). He got lucky in the sense that he was a key holder for the building and had some flexibility as to when to go in.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only "jerk" parent...  It's always nice to see another one out there who doesn't buy their kids the new iPhone every year...

Coke

[Rainrider22]

Well, it was actually meant in the context of a summer job when the kids have no school. All the 16 year olds sleep in until 4 in the afternoon anyway, so might as well be useful at night and not bug their parents for cash every turn.

You can tell I have a 16 year old walked home at 4 in the morning from his summer job....and one that slept in (actually, he slept in until about 10 pm....but that happens when you stay up all night and not go to bed until 2 or 3 pm). He got lucky in the sense that he was a key holder for the building and had some flexibility as to when to go in.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only "jerk" parent...  It's always nice to see another one out there who doesn't buy their kids the new iPhone every year...

Coke

I hear you there,  my dad was a jerk parent too, I like to think I turned out well !!!

[danbrotherston]

Oh good, a discussion on parenting, that's going to go well.

Honestly, I'm so sick and tired of people beliving that empathy, compassion, and understanding are negative traits.

[ijmorlan]

Oh good, a discussion on parenting, that's going to go well.

Honestly, I'm so sick and tired of people beliving that empathy, compassion, and understanding are negative traits.

I don’t think anybody said any of that here. My understanding of the above comments about “jerk” parents is that they are talking about having the kids figure stuff out for themselves, including things like transportation, rather than treating teenagers like preschoolers. This isn’t always appreciated by the kid at that moment in time, but if it’s done properly, the kid will usually realize at some point that they have skills that their more coddled peers do not.

It is definitely possible for a parent to be a jerk in a negative way, but that’s completely different from self-identifying as a “jerk”. In particular, there is a big difference between jerk and “jerk”.

[Rainrider22]

Oh good, a discussion on parenting, that's going to go well.

Honestly, I'm so sick and tired of people beliving that empathy, compassion, and understanding are negative traits.

I don’t think anybody said any of that here. My understanding of the above comments about “jerk” parents is that they are talking about having the kids figure stuff out for themselves, including things like transportation, rather than treating teenagers like preschoolers. This isn’t always appreciated by the kid at that moment in time, but if it’s done properly, the kid will usually realize at some point that they have skills that their more coddled peers do not.

It is definitely possible for a parent to be a jerk in a negative way, but that’s completely different from self-identifying as a “jerk”. In particular, there is a big difference between jerk and “jerk”.

Thank you Ijmoorlan....I couldnt have said it better myself.  Empathy compassion, and understanding are actually guiding principles on which I try to lead my children by example.  The term "jerk" is used anecdotally to describe a parent that doesn't always go along with the perceived norm.  The "Jerk" teaches our kids that life just isn't always fair, you need to suffer set backs and and learn how to overcome obstacles yourself with out the parent stepping in and saving the day all the time.  Studies are showing there is a real correlation between suicide of young people and parents trying to do everything for their children.  We (parents and society) are doing our children a real disservice by not teaching them proper copping mechanisms by trying to save the day or mitigate their situations.
I watch this video several times a year by Simon Sinek to remind myself why being a "Jerk" parent might just save my children's life one day.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNgQOHwsIbg    If you are a parent, have a watch.  Sorry for detracting from the discussion topic here, but  they totally took it off line over on Station Park about HSR, so why not here about an important subject...

[danbrotherston]

I don’t think anybody said any of that here. My understanding of the above comments about “jerk” parents is that they are talking about having the kids figure stuff out for themselves, including things like transportation, rather than treating teenagers like preschoolers. This isn’t always appreciated by the kid at that moment in time, but if it’s done properly, the kid will usually realize at some point that they have skills that their more coddled peers do not.

It is definitely possible for a parent to be a jerk in a negative way, but that’s completely different from self-identifying as a “jerk”. In particular, there is a big difference between jerk and “jerk”.

Thank you Ijmoorlan....I couldnt have said it better myself.  Empathy compassion, and understanding are actually guiding principles on which I try to lead my children by example.  The term "jerk" is used anecdotally to describe a parent that doesn't always go along with the perceived norm.  The "Jerk" teaches our kids that life just isn't always fair, you need to suffer set backs and and learn how to overcome obstacles yourself with out the parent stepping in and saving the day all the time.  Studies are showing there is a real correlation between suicide of young people and parents trying to do everything for their children.  We (parents and society) are doing our children a real disservice by not teaching them proper copping mechanisms by trying to save the day or mitigate their situations.
I watch this video several times a year by Simon Sinek to remind myself why being a "Jerk" parent might just save my children's life one day.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNgQOHwsIbg    If you are a parent, have a watch.  Sorry for detracting from the discussion topic here, but  they totally took it off line over on Station Park about HSR, so why not here about an important subject...

You folks and I have very different definitions of the word "jerk"...and I'm not sure the scare quotes make a difference to me (nor did the OPs use quotes)...

Helping your children learn to live in the world is of course the point of parenting, and something some parents fail at. But I'd never call anyone a jerk for it.

I would call them a jerk for not having empathy and compassion for others.

[Coke6pk]

I would also not want you to call me a jerk, but my self-depreciation of being a "jerk" I'm OK with.  I suffered through the "Kelly's parents got her a BMW for her 16th birthday" and "Stacey's mom got her kids the new iPhone, and they don't have to work for it", etc.

My oldest is now off at university, and I've seen the adult she's become, and some of that I credit to the fact she had to work for things instead of being handed everything from a helicopter.  I remember when I was in school my classmates who had parents pay 100% didn't take it as seriously as those of us who earned the money to pay tuition.  I gave her a hand-me-down phone... its not the new iPhone, so she saved to buy it herself.  I'll always provide what they need... what they want is negotiable.

Now I'm not a true jerk... I pay most of the tuition and housing, but its not a 100% free ride.

Coke

Now to get the thread back on track:
   

[jeffster]

Oh good, a discussion on parenting, that's going to go well.

Honestly, I'm so sick and tired of people beliving that empathy, compassion, and understanding are negative traits.

I don't think they are, at least not in these cases. Being a 'jerk' is not buying your kid the latest and greatest electronic toys, or whatever (maybe a car) rather make them work for it. For me, I liked to spend my money on stereo equipment, and I had to save up an entire summer holidays of work to buy the things I needed -- or -- more realistically, wanted.

As for my kid, he still wastes his money away on what I consider stupid stuff (though I am sure my parents thought the same of me). But if it's not coming out of my pay, that's fine. But if he wants something that is not needed, and he has no cash because he wasted on stupid stuff (for example, he buys mechanical keyboards, literally has like 7 or 8 of them), he's out of luck.

You can only hope that the child grows up to be responsible with their money. I do have a friend that co-signed for his boy to get an expensive sports car. Son has only put a few hundred towards it the past year, so dad is stuck with a $500/month payments. Lesson in this case, only sign what you are willing to lose.

[ijmorlan]

You folks and I have very different definitions of the word "jerk"...and I'm not sure the scare quotes make a difference to me (nor did the OPs use quotes)...

Coke6pk said more or less what I wanted to say, but I just wanted to say a bit more about jerk vs. “jerk”. I don’t mean that they literally used quotation marks. The idea is that in the following two sentences the word jerk is really being used in different ways with different meanings:

“Look at that jerk! They’ve been parked in the bike lane for the last hour!”

“Yeah, I’m a real jerk. I make my kids walk to school!”

In the first, I am expressing extreme disapproval of the person, and implying a strong chance that if I knew all the details I would consider the person morally deficient. In the second, I am acknowledging in a possibly humorous way that the kids might not appreciate it right now, but in no way am I acknowledging any wrongdoing.

[danbrotherston]

You folks and I have very different definitions of the word "jerk"...and I'm not sure the scare quotes make a difference to me (nor did the OPs use quotes)...

Coke6pk said more or less what I wanted to say, but I just wanted to say a bit more about jerk vs. “jerk”. I don’t mean that they literally used quotation marks. The idea is that in the following two sentences the word jerk is really being used in different ways with different meanings:

“Look at that jerk! They’ve been parked in the bike lane for the last hour!”

“Yeah, I’m a real jerk. I make my kids walk to school!”

In the first, I am expressing extreme disapproval of the person, and implying a strong chance that if I knew all the details I would consider the person morally deficient. In the second, I am acknowledging in a possibly humorous way that the kids might not appreciate it right now, but in no way am I acknowledging any wrongdoing.

The only way I read the second one is as sarcasm.

[ijmorlan]

The only way I read the second one is as sarcasm.

It is a form of sarcasm, by definition, in that I’m not really saying I’m a jerk. However, I hear it as more good-humoured than most sarcasm.